Honest and Raw. That’s what this post is.
It’s the here and now.
My family never really expressed emotions growing up, so this doesn’t comes easy for me. Sometimes, people see these perfectly posted squares on Social Media, and have a skewed image of our reality. And while I keep going back and forth about whether I should in fact write this post, I know there has to be someone else experiencing this same thing.
. . .
Many of you know that I am a first grade teacher, and that I have two boys. Grayson is now in third grade, and Urban in first. I also shared that Urban has sensory processing disorder and anxiety. On a good day, he is the boy version of Junie B. Jones…witty, funny, and exhausting. Other days are filled with tears, yelling, and high stress…and even more exhaustion. And, honestly, my relationship with Urban is tough. He prefers to be with Greg and lets it be known.
Last year, my first grade class was an absolute dream. They were my escape from the stress-filled evenings and mornings at home. I always felt that if I wasn’t loved by one of my kids at home, I have 23 other kids waiting for me at school. This year has not started off the same way. While I enjoy my new kiddos, my stress level has remained high all throughout the day. We also had some new changes at the building level that have taken extra time away from us.
After the first week of school, I was looking forward to some time to rest and enjoy some family time. What started out as a fun day turned into one of tears and disappointment as Urban couldn’t hold it together. The stress that I was trying to escape just didn’t seem to go away.
And when you’re in the thick of it,
it is lonely, exhausting, and defeating.
As teacher mamas, we never seem to get a break. Add a special needs or mental health need, and it can seem like there is no end in sight. Yes, I chose to be a teacher, and I chose to have children, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel extremely stressed.
And it doesn’t mean that I have to keep it all to myself.
I know there have to be other moms in my same situation. It’s ok to feel this way...
…you are not alone.
You see, as a teacher and a mom, our brains never stop thinking about our kids...all 25, 30, or 82 of them. Our kids and our school kids are all of our kids. Their problems become the things that keep us up at night. Their accomplishments become our proudest moments.
. . .
These kiddos are only 6 once. They will get bigger, more mature, and, if all goes well, things will get easier. But for now, this is life. It will be OK.